comin' down is the hardest thing

It has been almost exactly a year since I began my employment at JP Morgan Stanley Goldman Stearns Lynch Brothers. Weird. The sizable bi-monthly checks and complete lack of any responsibilities save for sitting relatively still in front of a computer for 9.25 hours a day have made it one of the easiest. The complete lack of goals or purpose or meaning or convictions (is this steak vegetarian?) or anything at all for my poor young soul to cling to have made it one of the hardest. It may seem as though I haven't really done much of anything, but, as a matter of fact, I've learned quite a few important things. Now maybe THIS year I'll be ready to, like, get a legitimate hobby. Maybe even one that doesn't involve drinking, blogging, and making out. Anyway, behold my newfound wisdom:

*No matter how many baby strollers patrol the sidewalks near your apartment, do not fail to lock the door to your terrace, especially when the window leading from your apartment to the terrace has been left wide open. My replacement computer and undies are super cute, but the old ones did just fine, thanks.

*If for four years you worked out twice a day, five or six days a week, and then you become almost completely sedentary, you cannot maintain the same caloric intake and be utterly shocked when you go up a pants size or two and finally start filling out your bras.

*Tanning beds feel good and they make you look better. If you are fair-skinned and have not been going to nude beaches since childhood, do not use them without wearing undergarments. There are some things that have never seen the sun, and when subjected to direct ultra-violet rays they will get angry and make you think you have all kinds of crazy diseases.

[these last two bear no mention of underwear of any sort--sorry]

*Los Angeles is not the hell hole New Yorkers make it out to be, and I’ll freely admit that I do not hate it. In fact, I kinda like it. A lot. But not as much as New York. Please.

*I’m still a retard when it comes to the boys. Relashawhat?



For some reason, this picture really resonated with me today.