crrrack

Whew, that was a close one. I knew I was a goner after I got in the family minivan, had trouble adjusting the steering wheel, and required tremendous restraint not to chew off parental heads because of their retardeduselesspieceofcrapsteeringwheel!!! That drama was soon under control, and while rocking out to Matchbox Twenty and assorted Top 40 Hits on the way to the Wal-Mart Supercenter, the only thought in my head was of how nice that first drag would feel. Then I almost hit another minivan, and the admonishing honk snapped me out of my daydream. But just for a moment.

I was forced to explore the Wal-Mart while waiting for a prescription to be filled. (Just 15 minutes! Take that, Duane Reade!) Man that place is enormous. There were more mullets and cameltoes than I'd care to mention to distract me from my nicotine fantasies, but I was still sure I'd be buying a $3.20 pack of Marlboro Lights in a few minutes. On the way back to the pharmacy, I noticed a lack of cigarettes at the checkout counters. Guess I'd have to drive up the road to Weiler's Convenience Store. Then I paid for the prescription (just some zit creme, no worries,) which cost the exact amount of cash I had in my wallet. Now came the big decision. Pay with credit card to save the cash for the Marlboros, or pay with cash and feel special for having the best willpower in the world? Since I've been reading Lolita all day, I asked myself, What would Humbert Humbert do? I don't think it's the best idea to adopt the thought processes of an insane murderous pedophile, but, nevertheless, I took the routine coincidence as a sign of something greater and emptied my wallet. Then I drove home about 20 mph over the speed limit and made a beeline for one of Dad's local microbrewery beers. It is delicious and refreshing, but it would be even nicer with a cig.