Monday, May 24, 2004

getting drunk on "to go" margaritas with your parents at an inappropriately early time rocks. work, not so much...

So the Company Computer Nazis are back in full force. Certain pages of Craigslist have been blocked since day one (no Casual Encounters for me, sadly), but now the whole site is contraband. I will love forever the person who emails me the Best Ofs when it's updated, because, hilarious as it is, reading that shit on my precious free time would be just sad. Not that what I do with my precious free time is any less sad. Anyway.

I'm not taking the Craigs blockage too harshly because this morning I came across a new (to me) excellent website. Erin's Livejournal [via Stereogum] is hilarious--so hilarious that she's in some kind of blog contest on Nerve. Of course, I wouldn't know anything about that because the CCN blocked that one a looong time ago. Prudish bastards. Anyway, this is my favorite post of hers so far, as it so eloquently addresses one of my biggest pet peeves:

"Thursday, April 1st, 2004 11:33 am
all my paper bag ladies

when i was in 7th grade you couldn't bring your gym clothes or diorama on the history of the soybean to school in any old bag. it had to be a COOL bag.

acceptable bags: the limited, limited express, benetton, DEB, the gap, rave, banana republic
unacceptable bags: jc penney, kmart, giant eagle grocery, big lots

i remember mornings where i almost missed the bus because i was rooting through the pantry for the appropriate bag while telling my mom that a walgreens bag just wasn't going to cut it and to shut the fuck up because she doesn't know anything.

by high school i had scrapped keeping up with the joneses and carried my shit in a backpack decorated with band names written in marker because i wanted to let the world know i am a rebel and my music is important to me (not that you'd ever understand my music).

graduating from school and going into the work force i forgot about bags. when you live in a city dominated by cars people just use purses and briefcases and that's about it. bags are a makeshift solution to a temporary transportation problem. purses and briefcases are different. they're for things you bring with you every day - house keys, wallet, butt plug, etc.

in new york everyone commutes and no one has cars to put stuff in so there's a big proportion of people who bring their stuff to work in bags. most of them are still stuck in the 7th grade mode. the bag has to be from a COOL PLACE. no matter how old & tattered it is. no matter how inappropriate.

so you'll see married businessmen with lunches in little pink striped victoria's secret bags who don't seem to realize that looks weird at 8 in the morning and other people are thinking they're a pervert and really they just bought the wifey something nice for their anniversary. you'll see ghetto bird boys and girls who look like they can barely afford a Metrocard but somehow have a huge prada bag with them that's carrying anything but actual clothes.

when i see them i feel bad and weird. it instantly takes me back to the time when i used to be so caught up in that competitive bullshit. i want to shake them and scream 'WE DON'T CARE! WE'RE NOT GOING TO MAKE JUDGMENTS ABOUT YOUR ATTRACTIVENESS OR SOCIAL STANDING BECAUSE OF YOUR BAG. THROW OUT THE GUCCI BAG AND USE THE DUANE READE ONE BECAUSE IT HOLDS MORE STUFF AND ISN'T FALLING APART BECAUSE YOU BOUGHT IT THREE YEARS AGO AND IT'S BEEN HOLDING YOUR TUNA FISH ON RYE EVER SINCE'."

Amen, sister.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

i still masterbate to your words
they can never catch me hahahahha
i shiat in my sup's coffee cup too