Monday, June 06, 2005

this post has nothing to do with public urination

*On my recent drive from Ithaca to New York, I heard the following on the radio:
-An advertisement for a Buy One Pair of Leather Chaps, Get a Free Pair of Fingerless Gloves Sale
-A lady talk about how drunk she was from a booze cruise with her husband and then slurredly mention she was in the car on the way to pick up her "goddamn kids" from daycare
-A C & C Music Factory song on the Oldies station. Not even a 70's/80's/90's station. I think they played the Four Tops afterwards.
Yes, all of the above were heard in New Jersey.

*I've made a brilliant discovery about which I'm so excited that I have to share it: As we all know, going to the grocery store can oftentimes be a pain in the ass. I happen to live in the Grocery Store Epicenter of Manhattan, where Whole Foods, Citarella, Fairway, and Zabar's all lie in the same 20 block stretch on Broadway. A trip to any of the above will result in some excellent cheese, produce, or creamed herring, and also getting trampled by crazy soccer moms and old jewish ladies. But just a block south of Fairway is the no-frills, cavernous chain store Gristedes, where I will be doing all of my shopping from now on. Because there is never, EVER anybody there. When I approached the cashier on Saturday afternoon after not waiting in line for one second, she had been picking at her fingernails for a good ten minutes. There's also a rather creepy lifesized cartoon cow figurine that talks to you on your way down the escalator. And you all know how I feel about talking cows.

*The latest scandal in my illustrious hometown is that two seniors from my high school stole a wooden tiger statue that had been hanging on a wall in the commons. A former classmate of mine writes to the Local Paper:

Alumnus heartbroken over mascot

Editor: Re "Tigers snatchers face felonies" (May 27, 2005)
Being a 1999 graduate of Marshfield High School, I was heartbroken to have heard what had happened. In high school the majority of students respected and honored the tiger as our mascot and would never think about acting on any dishonorable act. The four years I was there everyone had so much school spirit and enjoyed being active in school functions in some way or another. Obviously the individuals that performed this crime has no honor for their school. At first I thought it was a senior school vs. school prank but now that I heard the real story I cannot believe that individuals from the same school would do such a thing. I am sure that the situation will be handled in the most serious of manners and they will be punished for what they have done.

As soon as I read this I recalled an incident in which my friends and I, who were at school late at night for one of our many extracurricular activities, did indeed "act on any dishonorable act." We'd found an unwrapped maxi pad stuck to someone's locker, so we transfered it to the aforementioned (and anatomically correct, I might add) tiger. Needless to say, we weren't really pep rally types. Gooooo Tigers!


Anonymous said...

gristedes is the most vile grocer on earth. half of the (supposed fresh) produce is rotting and it smells as though the fish the same.

on the plus side, the deli staff is too retarded to work the scale so you can usually land a superb deal on cold cuts. additionally, it's the only grocer to stock and sell frank's red hot - major plus.

otherwise, id rather ruin my day shopping at fairway or whole foods. food emporium isn't much better than gristedes. yuk.

and burritoville has nothing on harrys (well, perhaps the whole price thing...)

welcome back.

P/O said...

hey, i too live in that grocery store epicenter! i'm frequently baffled that that gristede's has lasted as long as it has, given its lack of customers... i'd say enjoy it while you can.

fun blog, by the way. :)

Gina said...

pshaw, my gristede's produce is all just fine. though i'm a little bloated from trying to consume it all before it goes bad. grocery shopping for one sucks. and though nothing beats sitting outside harry's on a sunday night eating guac-y stuff and drinking margaritas (right, drone?) i have an admittedly weird attachment to burritoville's megasoy burrito.

thanks, p/o!