wack shit

*If you have been hiding under a dresser and have not yet seen R. Kelly's revolutionary epic music video "In the Closet," now you can do what I did in high school and college and just read the Cliff's Notes. [via Stereogum] (Though, unlike The Red Badge of Courage, the original is more than worth your time.) If, on the other hand, you get the "hiding under a dresser" reference, the Cliff's Notes will only serve to enrich your understanding of, and appreciation for, this masterwork.

*Yesterday I made the tragic but unavoidable mistake of buying Lucky magazine. While it is certainly no great work of journalism, its genius premise is undeniable. I don't even like the majority of the shit they tell you is "so fresh this season," (I got my Frye boots in 2002, bitches! And they are definitely no longer fresh, in the traditional sense of the word.) but there are always about 5-10 things I see that I want, and in addition to all the other things that I perpetually want, it just ends up making me sad. But what made me most sad while perusing their massive fall issue was the Tampax ad. It looks like a perfume ad with the thick paper and flap you lift to smell the product, only what you're smelling is Tampax's new line of scented tampons. AAARRRRGHGHISDLFKJ:LSKDF!!!!!!!!@@@@!!! First of all, I don't want to smell someone's tampon. Second, isn't the point of those flaps to see if you like the smell of the perfume? What girl takes a whiff and says, you know, I'd actually prefer my vagina to smell more like honeysuckle? Third, putting chemically perfume inside your body can never be a good idea. And last but not least, I don't know what kind of sexual maneuvers girls these days are doing (it's been a while for me,) but I can't think of any reason why the area 2-4 inches inside a woman's body needs to smell like baby powder and freesia. Whatever happened to the old school shower? Sheesh.

*Yesterday outside my building a woman walked by with a cameltoe. What moved this occurence from the mildly humorous into the groundbreakingly bloggable category was that she was wearing a skirt. One of those knee length kinda poofy and ethnic-y skirts that are so "on trend" this summer. She was a little chubby, and the front part of the skirt had somehow wedged itself securely into her crotch region. I did double and triple and quadruple takes to ensure that my eyes weren't deceiving me or that the skirt was for some reason meant to be like that, but no, she was just good old fashioned fashion roadkill. Gotta love some good Schadenfreude.