i need...

*to reconnect my cable television. I thought that getting only the free, crappy channels like PAX would make me find something worthwhile do do with my evenings, but it turns out I'll just watch an hour and a half of that dance version of American Idol and feel really bad about myself. Cable's not so great, I've been rationalizing, even now that I'm no longer forced (Forced!) to spend laundry quarters on Coors Light. Well, I think I just found my motivation to spend an extra $80 a month: God bless you, Tara Reid.

*to make more money. Sure, my little luxury secretary job keeps me well fed (a little too well fed, actually) and pays the bills, but I'm addicted to buying clothes almost as much as I am to smoking, drinking, self-loving, and burritos, and the lengthy withdrawal is getting to be too much. I thought about selling some old stuff on Ebay, but my old stuff isn't so great, and also there's a much easier way to make money on Ebay: Good ol' Jesus.

*to never quit my job, ever. In addition to the free meals, free snacks, free espresso beverages, free health insurance, free gym, and free Metrocards (feel free to hate me right now,) the people here are for the most part pretty awesome. Or at least crazy enough to keep things exciting. I just received this firm-wide email from the friendly HR girl:

From: Friendly HR Girl
To: Entire Firm
Subject: Confused?

Please do not use the women’s restrooms if you are not a woman.
Danke.