Thursday, October 14, 2004

tressler tressler bo bressler banana fana fo fressler me my mo mressler, tressler!

If President Monkeyface wins again, I am moving to Denmark. It is home to beautiful coastline and people that make me feel small, Surreal Life 2's Brigitte Nielsen (i.e., she who lumbers around the house wearing nothing but a cook's apron and has beer for breakfast,) and my dream occupation, Baby Naming Policeperson.

At its heart, the Law on Personal Names is designed to protect Denmark's innocents - the children who are undeservedly, some would say cruelly, burdened by preposterous or silly names. It is the state's view that children should not suffer ridicule and abuse because of their parents' lapses in judgment or their misguided attempts to be hip. Denmark, like much of Scandinavia, prizes sameness, not uniqueness, just as it values usefulness, not frivolousness [ok, so maybe there are some problems with Denmark].

In some cases, Mr. Nielsen [my new mentor] says, he believes he is performing a vital public service. He advised the Ministry that Anus and Pluto be rejected, for example. He also vetoed Monkey. "That's not a personal name, " Mr. Nielsen explained. "It's an animal. I have to protect the children from ridicule."

I'm all for free speech, and I'm even for abortion, but, hypocritical or not, I think some people must be stopped in order to help the defenseless. Like this poor brood [courtesy of the Local Paper]:
A daughter, Emberley Therese, was born Oct. 9, 2004, at Saint Joseph's Hospital to Rhonda and Kenneth Hill of Marshfield. She joins siblings Makailee, 10, and Tressler, 2.


Gloria said...

Denmark is truly an advanced country. That's the best idea of which I've ever heard.

Anonymous said...

Marshfield´s bad baby names have been particularly good lately-- yesterday there was an older sibling named Koltin. I watched the debates immediately after reading some of these and all I could think about was how much I wanted to know the candidates´ stances on idiotic names. Que coincidencia.