Friday, March 12, 2004

baby's named a bad, bad thing

For one reason or another, I've always had a minor obsession with names. Part of it probably comes from my fascination with psychology in general and, therefore, the implications one's name can have on personality development. (But is it the name itself that affects a person, or the kind of parents who selected it? Hmm...) Mostly, however, I think it's just because names can be so darn humorous. As a kid, I would check the public records in the paper every day and make fun of the poor, innocent babies with cracked out parents. Perhaps I was just bitter that my own name lends itself to teasing through the use of a simple mispronunciation, which, by the way, always resurfaces when I acquire a new group of friends. The college ones were perhaps even more delighted and self-congratulatory than the second-graders who made the initial discovery. Anyway, when perusing my hometown paper the other day, I came upon a shocking realization. There has, apparently, been a recent mass migration of Irish and Welsh refugees to the predominantly Polish and German Central Wisconsin! In the past three days, 15 bundles of joy arrived at the local hospital. Ten of them have quasi-Gaelic sounding names ending in -en, -an, or -on. Some of my personal favorites:

MaCayden (I think they mean "Mc," not that it would be any better) Zembruski
Ashton (do we really need another?) Rindfleisch
THREE Aiden's (curse you, Sex and the City), one of which is part of a set of triplets called...
Aiden, Logan, and Mason (say that five times fast)
The requisite couple of Madisons, and, the winner, which needs no commentary
Hilton Jaden, a girl

There is an excellent website devoted to the topic of baby names gone awry. It's so long and excellent, in fact, that I blame it for the .6 point drop in my GPA junior year. An excerpt: "We aren't having kids for another year or two, but we like Kellyna Nychole, Taryn Mykah and Mykenzie Kathryn for girls. This woman was indicted under the Flagrant Over-Use of the Letters K and Y Act of 1983."

Speaking of babies and such things, here is my official QUOTE OF THE DAY, courtesy of two girls i know way too much about considering I've never met them.
Lindsayism: Describe a personal theory you have about guys and girls or relationships.
Ultragrrrl: Men are pussies. Women are retarded. We're better off alone until it's time to get married and have babies.

Amen, sister.

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