Sunday, July 10, 2005

thank the lord for portable music playing devices

If you work in New York City and your job entails providing customer service of any sort, I have a handy guide to help you fit in with your fellow employees. First and foremost, be sure to engage in other activities while on the job, be it talking to your bff on your cell phone, clipping your fingernails, or counting all the money in your drawer, penny by penny. When a patron at your place of employment approaches the counter behind which you are "working," do not, I repeat, do NOT bother to look up and acknowledge the customer, and continue what you are doing for at least five minutes. Then, begrudgingly ask the customer if he or she has been helped, even if you are the only one behind the counter, and hence the only person available to help. When the customer replies "no," continue with your activity of choice for another five minutes. And when the customer sarcastically inquires as to whether there is anyone available to help, get what the customer requests, set it on the counter, and continue what you were doing until a nice long line mounts in front of your register. Finally, commence the slowest checkout process known to man, including superfluous services like double bagging, so that your customer eventually reaches across the counter and puts his or her items in the bag and storms off, while the rest of the line audibly sighs. If you aspire to win an Employee of the Month Award, shorten your personal activity time to 2-3 minutes and maybe improve your bagging skills. Just a little though.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

seriously sometimes when people are helping you its as if they are moving underwater.