TMI time

One thing I've observed from my years working with dogs (and molesting every one I see on the sidewalk) is that mutts tend to live much longer and have fewer health problems than purebreds. It would make sense that this would translate over to humans, and I'm sure we all learned in grade school science class about that group of inbred Quakers or whatever who all got the same weird genetic disease. Now, coming from hearty, blue collar midwestern stock (I am a supermutt mix of Irish, Polish, Italian, Dutch, French, three strains of English, and Lord knows what else) one would imagine that I'd be pretty healthy. While I drank my farm-fresh milk three times a day as a child and have never broken a bone, through various times in my young life I've suffered from chronic strep throat, pneumonia, chronic bronchitis, sinus infections, various mystery flu-like things, infected toenails, anemia, vicious insomnia, sebacious cysts, and a litany of rowing related ailments, the most exciting of which being a torn rib muscle and permanently displaced rib bone. There's one more biggie I'm leaving off this list, because, despite my tendency to overshare (no, really?), it's just that gross. (And as I'm home from work because of it right now, it's the impetus for this entry...well, that and the fact I just took a couple very necessary Vicodins.) So anywho, now my mom's favorite thing to do is remind me of all the fun health problems that run in our family: colon cancer and hypothyroidism and high cholesterol, oh my! The good news, however, is that all the women on her side (whose genes I've definitely acquired the most of--thanks for the long eyelashes and J.Lo booty, gals!) live to be damn old, so chances are I'll get to be a biological weakling for a long, long time. Perhaps I should finally learn to pay my medical bills before the collections agencies call.