hickory dickory dock

I think I'd prefer to be picking up steaming dog poo, selling cheese over the phone, or wrestling wimpy men (all tasks for which I have at one time been paid, incidentally) than sitting in my cushy office right now. Though perhaps it would be better if I actually had nothing to do, rather than pretending I have nothing to do to the point that my superiors will likely put an end to my $16/hr charade very very soon. So it goes. At least my holiday weekend at the childhood home of the Fat Asian Baby was lovely. I got a little too drunk, gained a few delicious pounds, and played with her Oh-so-adorably-Fat Not-at-all-Asian Baby Nephew. But it's times like those that make me think of my own home and all the excitement that I am missing there.

There's fine dining...

Gourmets try turkey testicles

WISCONSIN RAPIDS - For anyone who has ever wondered what a fried turkey testicle tastes like, Betty Smithers has your answer.

"I'd say it tastes like chicken," said Smithers, 57, of Wisconsin Rapids. Smithers ate fried turkey nuggets for the first time Saturday at Mr. Ed's on Plover Road in Wisconsin Rapids. It was the second year of the tavern's Turkey Testicle Festival, which the organizer plans to make an annual event.

exciting job opportunities...

Road-kill collector's work slowing down

Marshfield News-Herald
Matt Gulmire's job starts after his fax machine spits out a new message. He grabs a map and plots the best way to get to the location. Gulmire, 50, of Hancock collects road-killed deer in Marathon and Winnebago counties, a job he started during the summer. The hardest part is dealing with the smell of rotting dead deer during the warmer months, he said. A day or two lying on the pavement causes significant decay. And with decay comes a stench.

In winter, carcasses freeze, so there's less odor.

and time for family bonding (and truly atrocious writing)...

Construct a family mission statement

Winter is almost here and for many of us, thoughts of the holidays are at the forefront of our minds. This is the season of many trips perhaps to see relatives and for some to take time for winter play. How possible is it that you will gas up the car, pile the kids in the back seat and just head out - destination unknown? You didn't pack, because you're not sure of what you'll need. And though you don't know where you are going, you're making good time. Only a few minutes into the journey the familiar voice from the back seat says, "are we there yet?" Well. It's hard to tell, since you're not sure what your destination is.

Where is your family heading? As you travel on together in this wonderful journey called life, how do you want your family to travel, and where do you want to end up? One very helpful tool is a family mission statement. Think of it as your map. Just as a family gets together to plan out a vacation, gather everyone around you to develop your family mission statement. As you dialogue about what you would like your family life to be, clarify the values and goals that are really important to you.

As I dialogue with myself about how the hell I forgot to send out that important payment that was due, like, ten yesterdays ago, I wish you the best in this wonderful journey called life.