Monday, January 02, 2006

anything but temping

So I've applied for some jobs lately. Some I've considered as a means to an end, some just sounded fun, and some looked like they'd abolish my credit card debt in a matter of days. I've heard nothing back from the majority, had interviews for a couple, and am in limbo for others. I don't care so much what thing(s) I end up doing for money, so long as a., I find a longish-term somewhat stable gig, like, now, and b., No. More. Temping.

Jobs I Have Applied For Or Seriously Considered In The Last Few Months

*Those editorial assistant/intern positions on Mediabistro and Ed2010 that don't mention a need for pesky "experience" and/or "writing samples" and to which about 200 other desperate, connection-deprived wannabes have applied.

*Equally poorly paying psychology and medical research assistant jobs that involve interviewing crazy people (yes!) and, frequently, phlebotomy (no!).

*A live-in farmhand at an upstate polo/horse farm.

*A paid part time pet groomer trainee (*fingers firmly crossed*).

*A high class escort, ads for which are impossible to ignore on the Craigslist "et cetera" jobs page. It's not so much the sex with rich strangers that bothers me. Afterall, I've had sex with plenty of characters I've known for a matter of hours and NOT been paid for it, and I already whored myself out for over a year, in the figurative sense, to the world of finance. It's the cheeseball websites and trashy lingerie photos that my inner aesthete simply cannot abide.

*A waitress. These jobs are not that easy to get in ol' NYC. Well okay, they probably are, but I'm a total slave to my tastes and personality and will only work somewhere laidback and casual yet cool with quality (and overpriced, of course) food and a fun client base, no "NY experience" requirement, an implied guarantee of at least $100 per shift, and at least two hot male bartenders and/or cooks.

And if nothing works out soon, there's always World Toilet College:
World Toilet Organization (WTO) has started World Toilet College (WTC) because there was a need for an independent world body to ensure that the best standards in Toilet Design, Cleanliness, Maintenance, Quality of Work and Sanitation Technologies are kept.

Though considering how often I clean my bathroom, I probably won't be getting a scholarship.


Anonymous said...

i just attempted to play urgent!, the toilet hygeine game featured on the WTO website. in a matter of seconds, my bathroom was filled with puddles of green water, squiggly bacteria, and a semi-retarded elderly woman.


Anonymous said...

i want the polo horse job!

Anonymous said...

oh. my. god.

the urgent! game has toilet descriptions such as "ultimate poop sucker" and "poopie jr."

i am in awe.