dear tatum o'neal

Hey Tates. Can I call you Tates? I am so glad that you have recovered from your troubled marriage to John McEnroe and found a hot dude to make out and laugh with. However, perhaps it would be in your best interest to refrain from making out and laughing obnoxiously with him when you are sitting in the center of a filled-to-capacity movie theater. Was The Squid and the Whale not engaging enough to prevent you from moving your head back and forth constantly and chortling at inappropriate times? I am in the midst of a lengthy dry spell and have a self-diagnosed case of ADD so I can certainly understand your needs, but even I had no trouble sitting still. Next time, the girls stuck sitting behind you might just follow through on their desire to kick your seat, sneeze on you, and/or put gum in your pretty blonde hair.

Your fellow movie goer,
Gina