Monday, January 31, 2005

and i thought the world's largest round barn and world's largest talking cow were special

It's been a while since I've checked in with the Local Paper, but I decided to see what I've been missing after being reminded of home by the predominance of mullets in Chile (somehow sported by the youth in neither a hick nor ironic way--I guess it's just genuine love for the 80's, reflected also in the neon colored fashions and INXS music playing in all public places, RIP Michael Hutchence.) And oh what we all have been missing! As it turns out, in addition to the aforementioned world-renowned tourist attractions, Wisconsin's Best Small City 1993 is also the proud home of "what may be the Midwest's largest urinal." Yes folks, on January 22, 2005 the front page revealed this news to the masses with an article entitled, "Urinal big draw for bar: Guys impressed with extra-large fixture." As one can imagine, this news did not go over so well with some of the more wholesome readers:
Front page was disgusting; fashion preferred
Editor: Disgusting urinal. What a sight for sore eyes to open the Marshfield News-Herald on Saturday, Jan. 22, 2005 and on the front page to see the disgusting picture, "Urinal big draw for bar." You are really scraping the bottom of the barrel for pictures on the front page. Better to have a picture of Donald Trump's new bride of Saturday so we could have seen her wedding dress. We women like to see fashion, not smut. To the people who buy Enquirer magazine, you won't have to go to the supermarket to buy it. It's delivered to your door.

Men versus women, gigantic urinals versus Melania Knauss-Trump...can't we all just get along?? Apparently not:
Front page story, picture not suitable for family newspaper
Editor: After receiving my Saturday, Jan. 22, 2005, Marshfield News-Herald, I have lost much respect for your daily (family?) newspaper. The disgusting picture and article about the urinal took up nearly one-third of the front page. You must really be hard up for news to print such tripe. Maybe you should change the name of your newspaper to "Marshfield Enquirer." What an opportunity for free advertising. Or did they pay you? I'm sure it will draw many patrons. After losing a son to a drunk driver, articles like these are not funny. Thank you for listening.

Since when does the National Enquirer run articles about bathrooms, unless they involve celebrities engaged in illegal acts therein? And how does one leap from oversized urinal coverage to disrespect for death of son? But nevermind logic, the daughter of the urinal commissioner steps up in the commode's defense:
My father would thoroughly enjoy all this attention to the urinal he ordered, and its notoriety over 60 years later. Please tell [the author] to contact me if he needs more historical documentation for such an important icon.

As a person also impressed by "extra-large fixtures," I must concur. Important icon, indeed.


3 comments:

Fat Asian Baby said...

Dammit, Gina! I simply MUST see the midwest's largest urinal, but those hucksters over at your hometown herald won't let me in without paying first. Feh.

Gina said...

Well, then it's simply yet another reason for you to come home with me some day. Fried cheese, beer, and enormous urinals...you really can't go wrong.

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