Sunday, February 26, 2012

fuck, i'm (not) in my twenties


Is it shameful that I am in my 30s and really, really relating to a Tumblr called "Fuck! I'm in My Twenties"? In any case, I think its creator is pretty darn brilliant. An example:

Another example:

click and it will get bigger! worth it i promise

Yesterday at work, I was sitting at the nurses station with a delightfully brazen 24-year-old nurse. "How old are you?" she asked, out of the blue. "Thirty," I said. Her eyes got all big and she laughed and said "What?!" and "No you're not!" about eight times. "I thought you were like 18." She then asked if I was married, had a fiance, had a boyfriend, had kids, in that order, with increasing incredulousness as I answered "no" to each question. She could not wrap her head around the fact that I was a dinosaur and didn't have any of those things. Her next and final question was, hilariously, "Well then, so do you like drinking?" I was relieved that one of our patients needed our attention at that moment and I didn't have to explain to her that I used to, very much yes, but it hasn't been doing it for me like it did before, the guilt and physical manifestations have started to outweigh the fun, and most of the time it's not even that fun anyway, but I still like one or two beers or glasses of wine at the end of the day, and so, apparently, I am developmentally appropriate in at least one regard.

As nice as it is to know people think I look youthful (at least a dozen people at work have reacted with similar, if more restrained, disbelief upon learning my age), it makes me feel kind of funny. And sad. Because I've been in my 20s, and it was fun and exciting and ridiculous and hard, but I wouldn't go back there if you paid me. And now I feel like I'm in this kind of limbo zone, waiting for my life to catch up to the new creases around my eyes when I smile and the white eyebrow hairs that are appearing with ever increasing frequency. But, maybe it is catching up? And like how people aren't noticing my wrinkles and eyebrows, the changes are too slow and subtle for me to appreciate.

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