discipline

As someone who received check minuses in the "displays self-control" category on many a grade school report card, I've learned that the only way to, well, control myself is by establishing strict rules, all of which have come about through years of trial and error. For example, I will not buy any clothing item--except those from Ebay, H&M, a thrift store, or Target--that isn't drastically on sale. (I actually prefer the restriction of options, and the challenge to not buy crap.) I will not smoke cigarettes "just this one time when I'm out with friends." (Still working on that one, but doing pretty good!) And I will not use the computer while drunk unless I can still spell. This one, so far, I am rocking.

Last Saturday, I went to a Kentucky Derby party with Ellen. It was sponsored by Maker's Mark, and hence totally in line with my new drinking rule--don't spend a lot of money on drinking. But apparently I need a new rule--don't drink mint juleps that are more liquid than crushed ice. My only memory between crying in the bar and falling asleep is trying to write an email to my sister. I couldn't type to save my life, and, somehow, from a force deep within, I managed to shut my computer.

Then on Friday I was feeling antsy after staying in with a nasty cold all week, and went to Terroir (verdict: ridiculous, over-the-top, expensive, and awesome wine list; food that sounds a lot more awesome than it is) after some work stuff in Manhattan. Had a few glasses of wine and two beers, got home and felt the need to eat some cake and make myself a cocktail. Also, to talk to an ex-boyfriend (not the most recent one--don't even need a rule to avoid that) on the internet. The next day I found I'd acquired some new Facebook friends, felt a fleeting sense of shame, and had the following conversation with the ex:

Ex: You again
Me: Heh, um, sorry I had a bit to drink last night. Hope I didn't say anything majorly retarded.
Ex: Really? You didn't seem drunk at all. Your grammar and spelling were impeccable.

I have no recollection of anything I said, but by golly at least I spelled it correctly.