once upon a time there was no internet

This post goes out to all my New York and New England friends who are, I hope, cooped up inside during the snowstorm, drinking hot beverages and snuggling up next to soft, warm creatures. And to my nurse friends trying to keep their hospital-air-dried eyeballs open on night shift. (Isn't it amazing how as soon as you get home your eyelids start gliding over your corneas with ease again?) And also to anyone else reading this OMG I love you for reading thank you so much. Here is 5 minutes to 5 hours of internet time wasting, depending on how far you wanna go.

First up, The Virtual Autopsy. Or, as my sister calls it, the funnest game ever. Basically, you get a case description of someone who died, and then you click on body parts and see actual autopsied images of said parts, and then you try to determine the cause of death from a list of options. Get it correct and you move onto the next case. Wrong and . . . you get a delicate letdown and another chance. This game is all about learning, after all. My favorite part is that while TVA's subject matter is very real (think colorful images of cross-sectioned spleens), the creators are very matter-of-factly British, cheeky and cheerful:  

She was eating beans, a chip butty and beef sausages.

It is a pity that a doctor wasn’t on the flight to drain the pleural cavity with an empty pen casing or something similar.

[thank you, Sister, and Sister's medical informatics course at the University of British Columbia]

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Via Dooce comes a Tumblr of crazy animal pictures and videos that make you think, "WTF, evolution??" It is called WTF, Evolution? There aren't that many posts yet, so I am thinking of making some submissions:

First up would be this Boston Terrier who likes getting his belly tickled.


[thanks, Max]

And maybe next up would be this worm, called a pigbutt worm. [tangentially via Mimismartypants]

PIGBUTT WORM.

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The Amazon.com Banana Slicer is an oldie but a goodie that was recently re-brought to my attention by a Facebook friend. If you missed it the first time around, the Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer is a real item for sale on Amazon.com, and there are thousands of reviews, 99% of them sarcastic. Many of them masterpieces. But my favorite reviews are (or at least appear to be) sincere. 

Says Frank T.:

Friends: Please be aware that most bananas come from Central America. Very few of those countries are democracies. In fact, some of them have been referred to as "Banana Republics." The bananas consume a lot of oil as they make their way to your grocer. Furthermore, I notice the Hutzler 571 is made of plastic, and will eventually end up in your local landfill. Those conveniently sized banana slices atop your GMO corn flakes won't taste quite the same after the sea levels rise high enough to flood your breakfast nook. I urge you to boycott eh Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer as well as bananas that are not grown near your home. 

Adds Susan T., from Whiteland, IN:

This product didn't work for me. Bananas aren't he same size, so the Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer is sometimes too small. Cutting a banana down to size to use the slicer kind of defeats the purpose, doesn't it?

It certainly does.

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And last but not least, my blog idol Mimi Smartypants goes to the gastroenterologist.

I am going on hour 20 of not eating anything besides “clear liquids,” and I have had it up to here with Sierra Goddamn Mist and green tea and water. Supposedly I am also allowed “broth.” Who the hell wants broth? Oh yay, broth! Bro, you brought broth! Hey everybody, there’s broth in the break room! These are phrases you do not hear. Fuck broth. Fuck it to death.

You know, I used to actually really like broth. My mom would always bring me some when I was sick, or occasionally when I was, um, having difficulties on the toilet (because broth = instant bowel movement? I don't know). Anyway, even when I wasn't sick and all systems were running smoothly, I'd often heat myself up some nice broth and put it in a Tupperware sippy cup. Maybe it made me feel taken care of. Or maybe I just really like salt. (I do really, really like salt.) In any case, the last time I drank straight broth was at least 20 years ago (holy shit) and the image of bros and broth together makes me laugh. Also, I now want to buy all the vintage Tupperware.