monkeys, elephants, etc.

One of the things I miss most about Marshfield is the local paper. I need to remind myself to check the online version more regularly, because it's still the same old bundle of joy. In this month's "Moments of Life" (the special events "keepsake"), we have some tips for grooms! All very obvious duh-type things such as "make a list of people you'd like to invite" and "work on a wedding budget." Until my personal favorite, number 16:

Speaking of event-planning, at my next party I want to get one of those photography studio backdrops and take pictures of my friends, Sears-style, and give everyone a plastic comb first. There's a ton on Ebay (ooooh, Ebay....) and I couldn't begin to pick one, but this scenic cityscape, in particular, caught my eye. Something tells me it'll be up there for a while.

more DMV adventures

My conversation with the lady processing my license-transfer application at the DMV this morning.

DMV Lady: One week till August. I can't believe it's almost August. I don't like summer in New York, it's too HOT, better in October and November, winter doesn't really start till January. It's just too HOT. I got heat stroke in my HOUSE, I didn't know you could get heat stroke inside, only thought you could get it outside.

Me: Oh. Wow.

DMV Lady: My friend tries to keep calling me but she's one of those people who'll just talk for three hours straight. She just keep talking and talking and talking. Doesn't stop! I don't got TIME for that, you know?

Me: Mmm.

DMV Lady: Obama's birthday is August 4th! Forty seven. He won't be the youngest president. The youngest president was Theodore Roosevelt. Forty two. Next there's gonna be a woman president. People don't think a woman can be president, think they're the weaker sex. But behind every great man is a great WOMAN.

Me: Yes.

DMV Lady: Men, they just think with their private parts. Women, they don't DO that so much. No they don't.

. . .

Here, take this and wait for your number to come up on the board again.

Me: Okay thanks!

some things never change

I am currently sitting in my last computer class, waiting for it to start and for the air conditioning to turn my fingernails purple. Looking around the room, I think it's safe to say that I am the only person who has yet to begin the final project.

shame

Clearly, I need to start watching more Daily Show. Take the quiz, let me know how you did, and make me feel even worse about myself! [via Jezebel]

i sure know how to pick 'em!

Places to live, that is . . .

First up, we have South Williamsburg, where I lived from Summer 06 to Winter 07. And where people were and still are stabbed on a regular basis. And where groups of thugs will shoot a young guy they don't know in the face. I actually feel lucky that the worst that happened to me was forced-entry burglary.

And now, my current nabe, Clinton Hill. I haven't been mugged yet (yeah I'm a bit of a pessimist), but a couple months ago I witnessed some kids chase a guy riding his bicycle and chuck a basketball at him to knock him off and presumably steal his shit.

Aaaaand, now I'm going to put a large wad of cash in my wallet and head up to Williamsburg for a haircut. Wish me luck!

scary

Today I went to the DMV in an attempt to procure my very first New York State driver's license. (Thank you, Wisconsin, for your infrequent renewal requirements and enabling of my laziness.) In what should not come to you as a surprise, I was unsuccessful. Per Ellen's request, here is the email I sent to her upon my return:

i waited in line for an hour in front of a family of retards (seriously, mom, dad, and two young boys, all retarded--total trainwreck) only to be told i needed a copy of my driver record from wisconsin. was this information anywhere to be found in the dmv literature? no.

Some people were laughing at them. All I could think was "this is how serial killers happen." Or perhaps I've just watched too much Dateline NBC.

wtf

It's official--I do not understand people. There is no amount of psychological study I can undertake that will ever enable me to wrap my head around this. WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY. It's not "free" if you have to wait in line for two hours in the summer heat. And for what? A quarter of a sandwich that you will be able to purchase a whole one of, in a matter of days probably, without waiting more than five minutes? I don't see the payoff here.

Also, I am about to wage war with the letter "Y".