always have cheese when you need it, with virtually no waste

It's probably a good thing I still don't have internet access at home. If I did, I would come home in a post-fried chicken/beer/whiskey haze and write about my cat's latest crrrrazy shenanigans, like, every other day. At least. And then I might as well go out and buy myself something from the Quacker Factory. Like last night, after some fried chicken, beer, and whiskey, and, in this particular case, Battlestar Gallactica (thanks, R!), I turned off the light to go to bed when I noticed the suspicious absence of high-pitched whiney meowing. Sure enough, I'd forgotten to shut the door and the cat was nowhere to be found. I went into the hallway and asked my fellow basement dweller, who was cooking some kind of meat--probably goat (don't ask), if he'd seen old Walter. Nope, he hadn't. Then out came another fellow basement dweller, who said Walt was hiding above the walls of his room. Sure enough, the cat had run into his room and managed to wedge himself in the shoebox-size space between FBD's wall and ceiling at least 10 feet off the ground (I like to call our apartments "architecturally quirky"). Then I cursed the little turd, went back to my room, and Walt was there in 20 seconds. Sometimes to get guys to chase after you you just have to be a bitch. And now I'm comparing my cat to guys, which brings me back to the beginning of this post. And probably explains why I haven't made out with anyone except the alcoholic bartender in six months.

But I still wish I did have internet, because then I'd have more time to find heart-warming news stories like this. And finally give my mom a list of things I want for Christmas.