danse macabre

Since it brought such joy to Ellen's workday this afternoon (and since I've had half a bottle of "Mystery Red" that my parents got from the local food co-op,) I thought I'd share with all of you--friends, blogfriends, stalkers, and potential future employers--a photographic history of my dance career (and bangs).

2nd Grade


My first dance recital at Tricia's School of Dance. I started with ballet, and I can recall neither the theme of this recital nor the song to which I plie-ed. I remember my song was Irish, though, and I have a vague memory of singing "We Are the World" with all the students in the grande finale.

3rd Grade


The theme was "Broadway," and I added onto my repertoire with jazz. My class danced to "You're Never Fully Dressed Without a Smile" from Annie. Clearly, I've carried this philosophy with me throughout life. (I don't know what's up with those nylon stockings, but I was obsessed with the little white foldover ruffle socks.)


Sadly, no photographic evidence exists of my ballet performance to Barbara Streisand's "People" from Funny Girl. My dad made fun of me for having to dance to that song, and I remember seething with envy towards the older modern dance kids who got "Age of Aquarius".

4th Grade


"Under the Sea" from The Little Mermaid! Score! The theme was "Disney," and I thought this outfit was bangin'. Teal was totally my favorite color.


I replaced ballet with tap after that Streisand debacle. Our song was "Supercalifragilous" from Mary Poppins. I thought that was pretty darn cool. What wasn't cool were our costumes, specifically the white leotard part. I needed a little extra coverage in the chest region, but I had yet to wear a bra. My dance teacher had to show me how to make one out of nylon stockings. Oh, the shame.

5th Grade


In 5th grade I was down to just tap and fully covered in a yellow rain slicker. My class time-stepped to BJ Thomas's "Raindrops Keep Fallin' On My Head," and I'm pretty sure the recital's theme was "The Newspaper." I was somewhat jealous of the girls who got "Nine To Five" by Dolly Parton (classified ads, get it??) and wore French maid porno costumes, but I had a red, yellow, blue, and green umbrella to twirl. And I got to keep it! Though I still dry heave every time I hear that godforsaken song.

6th Grade


The theme was "Christmas", I tap danced to "Sleigh Ride", I wore a candy-striped tutu, and you can shut the fuck up. By the ripe old age of 11, I had grown too self-concious to continue my hobby. It wasn't so much that I really, really sucked at dancing (I really, really did), but that I was the only one in my school who took dance lessons, and therefore it was patently uncool. By some cruel twist of fate, my mom decided that this picture belonged on the wall in the entryway of our house and would not remove it despite years and years of pleading. It was only when I'd gotten over my adolescent suicidal tendencies that she moved it into the master bedroom. Thanks, Mom.

So there you have it. Anyway.