link it up

*I've never let my male public peeing envy stop me from finding a nice tree or car to pee behind, but sometimes, well, guys just have it easier. I sure could've used one of these portable penises for girls when I was full-bladdered, lost, and afraid to get out of my car in Jersey City. The hilarious "how to use" section is not technically NSFW, but I just looked at it at work and I feel a little dirty. [via Cynical-C]

*One for the Give Me a Fucking Break Files: Woman Files Complaint After Doctor Tells Her She's Obese. Last night the wiry office spinning instructor not-so-subtlely implied I was fat, and you don't see me filing any complaints! I've considered toning it down after tonight's planned beer and buffalo wing extravaganza, but then I realized that practically every other day is a something and something extravaganza, and I'm just not one to turn down an extravaganza. [also via Cynical-C]

*When my lil' sis informed me that the Local Paper would be publishing a monthly insert called "Moments of Life," I could hardly contain my excitement. Of course, before my sister could get her paws on it, my mom felt the need to cut out and send me the wedding announcement of kids I haven't seen since 6th grade, and recycle the rest. I was distraught. That is, until I found the online version. If you're too lazy to go there, allow me to share with you the choice moments in the "Moments of Life" introductory essay [paragraph breaks removed for even less clarity]:

Moments of Life. What else would they be called? The longer one lives, the more significant moments one experiences. There are more memories to garner. There are more legacies to bestow...For that is what the moments of our life are. They are the stories of our lives. They are the moments we share with each other, with our families and our friends. Each marriage, each anniversary, each birth of a child and then grandchild, they are all a part of our lives. They are to be celebrated with joy. They are to be treasured and shared. Those moments of life all added together become the sum of who we are. They are the legacy to our children, our grandchildren and the following generations. When you celebrate those moments of life with family and friends, celebrate with us, too. We want to celebrate you in these Moments of Life.

Amen. Moving on...

*Last but not least, via a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend, the hilarious and totally SFW video, Don't Touch My Bone.